To understand what a generous performer is, it's important to know what a selfish performer looks like. After all, performing artists have one of the only careers where it is considered acceptable (or even virtuous) to be self-entitled, self-centered, and self-aggrandizing.
(Just to note, I'm very fortunate because I spend much of my time with musicians who are supportive, encouraging, and generous. I don't like to hang out or gig with negative people, and pessimistic artists/musicians often don't last long in the industry anyways. I'm grateful that there are so many skilled and uplifting musicians in the Treasure Valley to work with!)
The attitude of a selfish or entitled performer often reads like this:
"If I'm highly skilled and I put in the time/practice it takes to keep getting better, then I surely deserve more". This attitude is easy to spot because it looks like self-pity (harsh, but true).
Generous performers are grateful performers, and they often get better opportunities because of their disposition (read my previous blog The Generous Performer to learn more).
So, what does it look like when a performer doesn't feel self-entitled, but they are still being self-centered?
... it looks like Imposter Syndrome.
Put simply, "imposter syndrome" is the feeling that comes when a person doubts their success came from any merit or work of their own, but rather from them faking their way to it. This leads to anxiety due to a fear of being exposed as a fraud (which they are not).
I've personally struggled with imposter syndrome ever since I began my career as a professional musician (and lately as a private music teacher). I'd often feel like I've been booked to perform because a venue took pity on me; I'd question my fellow musician's judgement when they asked me to perform with with them. I would think, "If they knew how much I don't know and what I can't do, then they wouldn't want me to play piano for them."
This frame of mind feels good to have in the moment because it can easily be mistaken for humility or fuel for motivation. However, this couldn't be further from the truth! I would argue that this is actually one of the most selfish frames of mind a person could be in.
Humility should come from focussing on doing the work in front of you, not from degrading yourself. Motivation should come from seeking to serve people better. not from seeking affirmation.
I ought to be humble when performing music. Instead of showing off at a gig to impress my bandmates, I should focus on supporting and listening to them. I should be motivated to practice my instrument with the intent of being able to give more at my next performance.
Here's how I've been trying to deal with my own imposter syndrome: I shift the internal focus to an external focus. I seek to be generous and play to the audience (while giving the band what they need from me). When I do this it's almost impossible to feel like an imposter because I'm actually doing the work!
I've learned the hard way that living life feeling like a phony is the equivalent of putting diesel in a gas engine - running on this will destroy you. This junk needs to be drained from your system and replaced with the what you are designed to use.
Ambition runs on the fuel of generosity and joy. If you put that in your tank, you'll go farther and faster than ever.
If you're running on empty, it's easy to refuel: count your blessings, give thanks, and do the good work.
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